maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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