i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
