I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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