Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
