my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
