mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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