yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
