So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I touched a dick in church today
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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