I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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