I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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