Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
