I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
