Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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