she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
