She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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