So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
