That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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