definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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