I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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