I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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