I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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