i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
