Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And then he peed in my hair
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