Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
