There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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