he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize