someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
