life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
