Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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