this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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