really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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