Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
