my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
