By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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