I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
