Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
