Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Buhtt sex?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
