how can u be prego again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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