the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
