better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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