Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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