I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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