Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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