haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
