I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
