And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
