I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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