omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
