I'm jealous of your bromance
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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