Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
