Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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