she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
